What do you do?

What do you do if someone close to you has depression but refuses to get help for it?

I ask this person... Why must you lay in bed all day and night?

This person will say, "Oh I'm just so tired."

But then - EVERYDAY it's the same... So I start to think... EVERYDAY this person is SOOOO TIRED that they can not be a part of our lives?

What do I do?

When someone is so depressed or whatever it is ... that it is affecting them to the point of never being involved in life...

There is a big problem with that dont you think?

My observation is this...

Depression does not only hurt you (the depressed) It hurts everyone around you...

It draws you into the depression weather you want it to or not.

What do you do?

I am broken

What Is Broken In Me?

Is it my heart?

No.

My Soul?

It is crying -

but not broken.

My mind?

It is foggy -

But not broken.

My eyes are swollen

but not broken

Something is not right anymore -

Something is missing from me-

You broke something...

Can it be fixed?

No, It can not.

I know what it is -

It is my SELF

My whole being -

Everything about me -

Is broken.....

Facebook Manners???

Tell me when did it become offensive for someone to send someone else a game request on FB?

Or when did it become annoying for people to share pictures?

I recently saw a trend on my own FB page of people asking for NO GAME REQUESTS.. That it OFFENDS them GREATLY...

OR MY FAVORITE ONE IS...

"WHY CAN'T YOU ALL STOP POSTING PICTURES... I'M SO SICK OF IT...."

And so To all of you I have this to say:

GROW UP! Welcome to social media! Where you invite your friends to play scrabble, and instead of coming to your house you can just play in your PJ's from your house. Amazing. Lovely. RIGHT????

Welcome to Social Media where you SHARE your life's experiences. You share the awesome dinner you just cooked - CLICK a PIC and share! Why not! Someone may want the recipe...

Welcome to Social Media where you share a INSPIRATIONAL Quote.... Or a funny cartoon... Mind you ---- What you think is funny MAY not be funny to others... But They are adults so they can just ignore it... OR HIDE THE POST... This is what I do... ((YES ... there's a HIDE button so you won't be offended anymore...))

Here's what I can promise you.

In social media... It's INTERACTIVE.

If you do not want to INTERACT with OTHER PEOPLE...

DO NOT JOIN SOCIAL MEDIA.

IF you want to be apart of it...

Sit back and relax...

And BREATHE.

Worry about the starving children in Africa a little more and worry about what your friends are chatting about on Facebook a little less....

Financial Aide Nightmare

Today I visited my school's Financial Aide office to make sure they had calculated my F.A. correctly.

I signed in to speak with someone about this.

The 'lady' did not even take me to the office, she just looked at me and said,"I'm sorry hun but the financial aide you had been getting was just the luck of the draw, it was like winning the lottery."

I frowned,"How is that? The programs I was getting were governement programs for peole with financial hardships - I'm in more of a hardship now than ever."

"Well - if you want to jott your name down and student ID I'll have the lady in charge of that get back to you." She handed me a 'while you were out' pink slip.

I was extremely unsure about this. What if this pink slip were to get lost. Did they understand how important this was for me? With out this help with school I was not sure If I could even finish the semester! She acted like I was just another number... I was interrupting her conversation with her co-workers.

Way to make me feel important.

Do these administartors look down on us? Like we are all one lump problem? I was a victim of domestic abuse, I relocated to ensure the safety of my kids, I have struggled to work, go to school and take care of a house hold of 5 people. If anyone needed some extra help it was me.

Now what do I do?

I'm not even sure now.

Helicopter Parents... STAY HOME!

Soccer Parents... (oh do I even have to explain this one?)

Today was my son's first soccer 'event' - My son is 4 years old. So, the other kids are younger - and I must say about the parents... THEY DRIVE ME NUTS!!!

What are you doing PARENTS? Are you a HELICOPTER PARENT? Hovering around your children like they are your little troopers and your their drill sergeant!

I literally watched a group of parents, must of been the mom, dad and a uncle or something. They literally stood within 10 feet of this kid and hollered at him every 2 seconds - everyone at the game knew this kids name... Not because he's a part of the team... Oh no... it was because his 'family' was YELLING his name ALL THE TIME! All the other parents are standing back, even sitting in chairs, watching their kids just have a good time and learning about that game... but these HELICOPTER PARENTS are just ROTATING AROUND... vroom vroom vroom.... "Go JASON! KICK THE BALL JASON... NO JASON... DON'T DO THAT JASON... JASON GET UP JASON... WHAT ARE YOU DOING JASON..."

POOR JASON!

Think about how you are embarrassing your kid by doing this... Look around... Do you see any other parent acting like this... Well maybe.. Just maybe ... it's not NORMAL! It's not what you do. It's not SPORTS FRIENDLY BEHAVIOR ---> Especially when the kids are only UNDER 5!

WOW I'm gonna start handing out some ...

Parental Behavior TIME OUTS!

Abusive Addictions: Understand it!

As I have survived the abusive from my first marriage - I have self educated myself in may ways - I have been to therapy I have read every book -

And There's so much that is so complicated that can be EASY to say:

If you find yourself PRONE to abusive relationships : your not alone.

People who have been in those relationships tend to go back to the same person over and over - or they find someone else who does the same types of things - because to us it's normal in a way - however twisted it is.

For instance, You may feel you LOVE someone you fight with ALL the time... It's not love you are feeling - it's the HIGH you get from the Fight, the making up, the not knowing when it will happen again... NOT LOVE!

Start listening to your HEAD and not your HEART!

If your HEAD keeps telling you something's not right... It's probably NOT!

Tell your Heart to SHUT IT! Who cares if the sex is good! Or if he/she is really hot... if it's not right... Man it's not right... LET IT GO! There are other fish in the sea I PROMISE!

You have to start realizing this - And I know - I am preaching at you and you probably will not listen to me until you have been hurt time and time again.. Just like me. In your 30's or 40's going "OH YEAH... SHE WAS RIGHT."

DUH...

If you are like me and don't like to admit that you SHOULD give up - Do it for your self... For your happiness - your sanity - your kids - your family - for any reason that will get you to LIVE and MOVE ON!

FIND THAT REASON AND HANG ON TO IT...

Please.

Lies Lies and Oh wait... More Lies.(Some Personal Issues)

A personal observation in my life is that my marriage (this is my 2nd marriage) is plagued with lies.

UPDATE: IF YOU ARE IN MY FAMILY OR MY HUSBANDS FAMILY - MY HUSBAND KNOWS ABOUT MY BLOGGING AND DOESN'T CARE. HE KNOWS HE HAS ISSUES AND HE KNOWS THAT THIS IS MY WAY OF DEALING WITH THINGS - AS WELL AS THIS IS MY NEW WAY TO START CALLING HIM OUT IN HOPES THAT HIS ISSUE WITH LYING WILL END... SO PLEASE ... NO NEGATIVE FEEDBACK OR DRAMA... DEAL WITH IT AND MOVE ON. THANKS!

My husband seems to have this insane view that he has to lie about EVERYTHING! And this is not me being a silly woman getting irritated at the typical MAN CHILD...Oh no.. this is way beyond that...

Let's go into the Job hunting lies... Oh man... This really get's to me.

While I was away dealing with family matters up North, his job was to get a job, He had two interviews lined up.

He tells me he has a job. AWESOME! (because I had recently lost mine and figured out I needed to focus on school anyhow because My BA was coming up and it was hard to keep supporting our family of 5 ALONE like I had been for the past 3 years)

A few days later he calls me, "the manager that hired me has disappeared and no one knows about me being hired..."

So this job falls through. He says the next day, "I have a interview with another place, I got the job, I'm bringing them my paperwork and I'll start next week!" AWESOME!

The next week comes, "I told the place that I couldn't work Saturdays because I wanted to watch football and Evan was starting Soccer so I couldn't work for them unless I have Saturdays off..." NEEDLESS TO SAY... HE DIDN"T GET THAT JOB EITHER! KNOWING THAT NO ONE WILL HIRE HIM IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK WEEKENDS! WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING...

3 Days ago - Another job calls. I am here now and I hear the voice mail, so I call the manager personally and put the phone to his ear, he set's up a interview for that very night! YES I was thinking ---> FINALLY we can get ahead again! We get home, and I say, "Go to your interview..." He goes, "Oh yeah, he called me a minute ago and said he was rescheduling for tomorrow morning at 9:30am" I frown,"Why?" He says, "I guess he's busy.. I don't know."

Next day, I get him up after I take the kids to school "Get up - your interview!!" He says, "oh yeah." He goes - and comes back in about 10 minutes... he tells me that he went there and the assistant manager told him that they are not hiring and he doesn't know why the store manager asked him to come in... I about passed out from Anger... How on Earth can so much stuff happen to 1 person? This is job 4 that he's possibly HAD and then they always fall through... And I have no idea what the truth is.

He recently hurt his back and had bulging disks, instead of telling people he had bulging disks he told people he had BROKE HIS BACK! "NO YOU DIDN'T" I would call him out in front of people... Because these are our neighbors our mailman .. etc... these people can tell that he's walking around so obviously he did not break his back!

What causes him to Lie like this?

When he went to the Doctor to follow up he was telling the Dr that he was told in the hospital that he needed back surgery - The Dr looked at him puzzled... "Why?" he asked him.. "I think you need to exercise and strengthen your back - and try some therapy.." My husband kept telling the Dr so many lies that the Dr started talking directly to ME instead of my husband because he was getting frustrated as well!

The other day he comes out of the room all huffy and puffy, "MY DAD PUT A HOLE IN THE SAIL BOAT! I'M SO MAD!"

We go to his parents and I say, "Hows the sailboat Pat said there's a whole in the boat?"

His mom rolled her eyes (because she knows how he is) "Nope. It's fine..."

I looked at him, and I felt like a complete idiot for even remotely believing him... and he laughed, "oh I was totally joking w/you the other day.. wow .. you couldn't see that?"

I was shocked, "You said NOTHING to me about joking or anything...you have to STOP this! I don't know if anything is true at all!"

This Life is pure INSANITY! There are so many instances and DAILY events that happen I could Write a entire MINI-Series for TV on him!

Why do I stay do you ask?

I'm loyal to a FAULT. PERIOD......

He use to drink alot - but he went to AA and has over come that addiction. And I thank GOD for that. But the underlining issues are still there -

I don't know how I can continue to live with someone that I can't even trust. I know that he isn't unfaithful to me. I know that he loves me and the kids. But it's like he isn't really even here. It's like I'm a single mom - It's like I'm married to No one. It is honestly like I have a really bad room mate who is mooching off of me and wont work and won't help with the house - the kids - the cleaning - the mowing - the ANYTHING! He doesn't hug me, kiss me, even touch my arm for WEEKS at a time. He just holds up in the bedroom watching Politics or Football. The only time he wants to do anything is if his Parents are doing it or the only time he wants to go out is if it's to his parents house... he had a very odd obsession with them for sure - They are wonderful people - And I love seeing them too but it's a strange thing at times. Today his mom was going to go to our kids school and eat with them at lunch, he says, "I think I may go eat lunch with the kids today," I gasped... Then remembered his mom was going to be there. I said, "You have NEVER wanted to go eat lunch with the kids... why now? because your mom is there???" I frowned, " You know I would not even think twice about this if you EVER did this type of thing, but you don't..." He shrugged, then admitted it WAS because his mom was going to be there... ODD is an understatement.

What do I do?

I survived my first marriage (barely) and I HATE to admit that my 2nd marriage is in trouble. I do not like to give up. I HATE the idea that I would have to tell someone that I've been married more than 2 times!

This is coming from a country girl that thought I would never get divorced in the first place.. I always thought I would have this picture perfect family life. I always saw me being a Betty Crocker mom - you know - doing crafts and cooking... just being happy. I never thought my first husband would abuse me, try to kill me... that my 2nd husband would have so many issues with lying and working... I guess you can say I have been very naive in my Relationships...

Maybe that is because I was very sheltered growing up? Maybe I should of went out and did more in life before I got married at the ripe young age of 18? I don't know. College wasn't even something in my vocabulary when I was growing up - and now here I am... Near my AA and soon to start my BA.. WOW what an amazing thing for me! A coal miners daughter from WV is making it in this world! And I'm doing good too! I can do so much more than I ever knew I could....

yes, there was signs that this 2nd marriage was not good - that I should walk away - but again - I am not one to give up on people that I care about. I worked at this relationship like a job... But I feel like It's all on me and it's all in vain.

We'll see what happens.

God Help Me.